While I was browsing and scrolling through The Glory’s viewer-made content, I came across an interesting association that was made a few times: Bullying and Grief. As you may already know, grief has been separated into 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, some appreciate the idea of adding a 6th one (albeit unorthodoxly, where it applies): Revenge.
So, what happens when you link bullying to the commonly known 5 stages of grief with Revenge added as the last one?
What does bullying even have to do with grief?
What does bullying even have to do with grief?
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| The Glory (2022-2023) |
Loss can encompass much. Normally, we associate grief with the loss of loved ones, when they pass away and we mourn them, as this can be one of the most devastating experiences for someone. However, the loss of more that is of significance to us can also put and take us through the grieving process. Be it something tangible or not.
When bullied, depending on the extent of it and how vulnerable to it the target is, parts within and outside of themselves can be ruined and therefore lost. And many of them may be fundamental or even essential to a life they would have had otherwise. It is a sort of death.
Bullying is not to be taken lightly - especially when it is indeed having an effect.
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| The Glory (2022-2023) |
In the case of bullying, it is not necessarily something that happens suddenly and immediately. Leaving you to later process on your own. Alike deaths that are slow or announced, the grieving process may start early and intertwine with it, stretching out in proportion to it. In this case, how would it usually go?
• Denial
When bullying begins, you may be in disbelief. You still have the benefit of the doubt to give out and you give it out. You’d rather believe that they just didn’t know any better or didn’t truly mean to cause you any harm. Maybe they were having a terrible time and weren’t quite being themselves. You buy their excuses or even make some for them yourself. Their sarcasm and passive aggressiveness don’t quite register as what it is. And it doesn’t make sense why someone would be so cruel.
• Anger
However, as it continues, it becomes harder to lie to yourself about it. You begin to experience the fury that you naturally would when crossed and wronged. Valid reasons for what you now recognize as mistreatment elude you. They should not have. And they could have not. But they did anyway. You want to lash out and maybe you do. You may scream and yell, or even throw some punches and kicks in their direction. But it might not fully consume you.
• Bargaining
You could get a hold of yourself and try to be “the bigger person”. After all, nobody is perfect and there is room for improvement - especially if young. Communication is important and can fix many problems. Perhaps, if both sides were honest and open to negotiating, you could come to an agreement and be on good terms. Or at least halt the nonsense and leave it behind. It is not fair that you’re the one who is damaged and yet is taking this step, but somebody must and they don’t look like they will.
• Depression
Regardless (although worse if no fruitful resolution was reached), what is done is done and has lowered your spirits. Your joy and enthusiasm have diminished. You probably can’t smile the same. You’ve endured something that puts you in an uncomfortable position and makes life seem less bright and vibrant. It is harsh and heavy instead. You may try to be positive, but positivity at this moment is no more than a mere bandaid without any remedy for you.
• Acceptance
So, you begin reconciling matters. The disappointing reality that you wish was different is integrating into your worldview. Yes, horrible people and horrible acts exist and happen. And, as much as you’d hate to admit it, you became a victim of that. You probably deserved better, but that’s what you got. Because it isn’t so rare. In fact, it is quite common. The world is full of it and very much ruled by an “eat or be eaten” philosophy. But it could still be worse. At least you survived it and can move on.
• Revenge (as the suggested addition)
When none of the previous was enough to bring you peace, you take it into your own hands to turn the tables and flip the script. It doesn’t sit right to simply let them get away with it. And if the system won’t have your back, karma doesn’t get them, and hell isn’t guaranteed, you will be their punisher. Whether by the same or by other means. It is not often advisable or recommendable, as it could backfire or torment you further, but you refuse to be another person that let this slide…