Horror and trauma basically go by hand. Any event horrific enough is likely to leave scars of some sort - to be traumatizing. And perhaps that is part of what draws some of us to horror stories…
The term “trauma” has a loose definition, but it essentially refers to an injury that results in a typically significant and potentially lasting change for the worse. The degree of the trauma, whether it is slight or severe, doesn’t make the term less applicable. Although, using it too carelessly to refer to even trivial inconveniences, unless it is for obvious comedic effect in good taste, doesn’t sit well and can come across as oversensitive and inconsiderate. This is why some hold back from using it even when it is accurate to do so and, if not to be considered too grave, adding a modifier to it or some clarification would suffice to avoid misunderstandings. But it is important to recognize things for what they are.
Trauma may be physical or psychological. And although many would argue about the validity of one over the other, in both cases, they can be considerably painful, as well as debilitating and disabling.
A horrible event, by itself, is not what causes trauma. Psychologically, it is when there is an inability to handle an event that is too shocking, stressful, exhausting, overwhelming, and/or terrifying for your current state and conditions that an event can turn traumatic. As such, children and teens are particularly vulnerable. This does not mean that they should be protected to the point of overprotection as, then, they may become excessively sheltered and still be particularly vulnerable to being traumatized by events. This just means that one should be conscious of the developmental state of people and wary of what they are subjected to. Wounded and weakened people are also at higher risk.
Brushing things off because they had no impact on you to be concerned about is not to be mistaken with denying how things impacted you because you believe (or want to believe) that it is nothing and it doesn’t matter. If you have been in the habit of doing that, you may be a walking bag of unresolved issues for all you know. And you may assume that they aren’t affecting you, but they are. They are just operating silently in the background. You may have adopted bad and poor coping mechanisms to keep them down.
What can you do about it? Sometimes there is little or nothing that you can do about it. The damage is done and it is irreversible albeit possible to mitigate. And you’ll have to learn to live with it. But most of the time, there is a choice between leaving trauma untreated or making room to heal from it. The latter, unfortunately, doesn’t appeal to many for it takes effort and diligence. Probably a few lifestyle adjustments, too.
Normally, finding a qualified therapist that specializes in what is afflicting you and is devoted to your betterment, to guide you through the process safely and efficiently, would be ideal. But if you’re unable to reach out to them or afford them, or they don’t seem to exist, I’d recommend starting by familiarizing yourself with your problems and taking cautious and gradual steps toward recovery.
For relatively minor instances of trauma, once you’re ready to deal with them, you can:
• Give yourself time for inner work.
• Notice when you are triggered or responding with Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn reactions.
• See if it is in proportion to the situation or if there is something more at play in you.
• Alternatively, notice when you’re numb or even depersonalizing.
• See if it is out of personal indifference (or practical detachment) or if you’re shut or shutting off.
• Trace and identify what brought this to you.
• Look at when, where, how, and why it happened.
• Put it into words or other forms of communication to sort through and let go of it.
• Sharing it with others is optional, but might be of extra help if not counterproductive.
• Practice the above as much and to the extent that you need.
A common mistake that people make in their recovery journeys is having the expectation that they will be the exact same person they were before the event. This expectation can result in much frustration and actually impede progress. You’re not turning back time. Not really. You still went through experiences that were formative for you and you should be moving forward, not backward, to what will be on the other side of them once overcome. And that may be for the better. So mourn the previous versions of you if you must, but accept that you are moving on…
How was your childhood? How about your teenage years? Has life thrown more at you than you could easily handle?