It’s September 11th, the infamous 9/11, and this has created a bit of a writer’s block for me. Because on one hand, I’d rather not be disrespectful by casually speaking about death while people are mourning, but on the other hand, tragedy is not exclusive to this event and it’d be dishonest of me to act as though this date holds more importance than others I’ve ignored. So, while I won’t be posting about the attack and its seriousness, I’ll post on horror entertainment another time.
Let’s just talk a little about grief.
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| Fear of Rain (2021) |
Grief, simply put, is a natural response to loss. We may most often associate it with the passing of a close one, as this tends to evoke the most severe symptoms of grief, but grief can be experienced to varying degrees in response to any kind of loss.
Maybe you lost a job that you needed, a relationship that you wanted, or something as trivial as a handy or favored item that you wish you didn’t now have to replace or let go of. Could even be a fantasy that you had to snap out of. All of these may bring a sense of grief, no matter how brief. And in any case, no matter how big or small, it is still important to allow the process of grieving to occur and reach its proper conclusion.
Interestingly, grief has been neatly broken down into five stages and, despite nature's complexity, their categorization has been widely accepted. You can catch them subtly or explicitly expressed in horror stories, as well. Particularly in those that pay significant attention to their characters, their behavior and development.
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| Ghosts of War (2020) |
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People may jump back and forth between them but, overall, they come in that order - especially if fully lived through.
• Denial
This is the first stage, as it is the most likely to immediately occur upon losing someone or something we care about. “This isn’t happening.” And it may drag on to the point of insanity. Extremes of this stage may be depicted in horror stories as the refusal to let go of a corpse and continuing to interact with it as if the person who used to inhabit it is still alive in it, being unbothered or failing to acknowledge the sight and smell of rot taking over.
• Anger
This is the stage where you begin to face and be frustrated by the crude and cruel reality. It is normal to be angry upon losing someone or something that you valued. Trying to skip this step wouldn’t do you any good. But you could still try to direct it in a way that is ultimately constructive rather than merely destructive. Not all of us can or should be John Wick.
• Bargaining
This stage is where desperation kicks in. Where you’ve taken note of the loss but refuse to move on. And in cases where something can really be done about it, it is a helpful instinct to have. Perhaps you won’t get everything back, but something. And that may be better than nothing. However, when there’s nothing to salvage, it is fighting for a lost cause.
• Depression
During this stage, you stop and dwell or drown in the pain of your loss. You may want to keep going as if it is no problem but may still find yourself stuck, weighed down by your hurt. Previous stages may resurface at different points, flashing back, as you begin to go in circles or aren’t quite getting anywhere. And sadly, depending on the gravity of it, some of the pain might forever remain.
• Acceptance
In this stage, you begin to find ways to come to terms with what happened. It is not the happy ending that you would have liked, but it is an ending to your suffering. Your life may never be the exact same, but you recognize that there’s still more to live for. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will completely forget or dismiss your loss, but it certainly won’t be taking such a toll on you anymore.
Are you currently grieving? If so, what stage are you on?